Oghenekaro left without a word. Without my consent.
That Friday morning, it was raining; it was cold. The universe was aware. The roads anticipated his coming.
Travel…
He dressed, ready to hit the road. We said our prayers and goodbyes. He was walking towards the door when Imeosi cried and crawled - so fast, as fast as his little hands and knees could take him. He held Oghenekaro's feet and climbed onto his father. My sweet man picked his child up and said to him, "I'll be back soon, my son."
Three hours after his departure, I put Imeosi to bed and went about doing other things in the house. My phone began to ring incessantly as I was having my bath. I quickly came out, because why are you calling my line more than three times? Ehn, Ilamosi... wait, Ayemeo called. Even Jacob... ah, Jacob never calls if it isn't an emergency. So I called Jacob first.
"Hello, Osogbo..." my nickname. Everyone from Oghenekaro's family calls me that.
"Good day, Brother Jacob..."
"Ehm... How're you?"
"I am fine, sir. Is there a problem? You never call."
"Well… I just wanted…"
Gbam! Gbam! Gbam! …on my gate.
Ahn, what is going on?
I excused myself from the call to go check who wanted to break my gate. It was Jane, my friend. She was crying. She hugged me, and I just knew. No words had to be said; it was there, glaring. Something must have happened to him. But I didn't think it would be death.
Death….
Everything was a blur, confusing. I could hardly breathe. Then I heard a loud cry from inside. Imeosi. I ran towards my child and picked him up, cradling, singing, soothing his troubled mind. Did he know, too? Maybe he did. Maybe he knew all along, so he tried to stop his dad earlier.
Tears trickled down my cheeks, and my boy cried with me. The house was packed. The news of his death spread so fast; I hated how small the community was. All came in, both friend and foe. Crying and wailing and comforting me - or so they thought. I needed peace and quiet, but they feared I would hurt myself.
I am very familiar with death. An expectation, lurking and waiting for the right time to act. To inflict pain. It took my father, my mother, and my sisters, all in one day. So, I am very familiar with death.
What I wonder sometimes is why I am so unworthy of it. I have desired it, prayed for it, chanted its praises… still, here I am. I was already the living dead when Oghenekaro came into my life. He gave me life; he gave me the will to live. He soaked up all the sadness in my heart, softened my hard mind, and brought the desire to live in the present and enjoy existence into my heart. He taught me how to love…
Love…
The only people I have ever loved genuinely were my family. My father, a witty, humorous man, and my mother, the exact opposite. You can tell who the disciplinarian was. My sisters: twins, identical. And myself, the perfect model child. It was a happy family. I never lacked for anything, especially love. So when they left me all alone in this cruel world with no one to turn to, I was lost. Wandering. Waiting to be summoned.
Then Oghenekaro showed up. He was persistent. He knew I needed saving and he never backed down. I treated him poorly, but perhaps the universe had finally decided to be generous. He made sure to call me every morning, 7:00 a.m., consistently. Took time out of his very busy schedule to come see me twice every week, bearing gifts and a lot of my favorite things. He made sure to remind me of my relevance to him any chance he got.
"You're important. You're special. I love you, forever."
Forever?!
Forever?!
Karo, you promised me forever.
Why did you go?
I have spent a good part of my life in a dark pit filled with pain, grief, solitude, and just when hope suffices, I am thrown back down into that pit, even deeper now.
They say death is God's last gift to the living. I have never been worthy of his gifts, I guess.
Guess…..
I guess I have to get used to the pain and expect the worst henceforth. I have Imeosi after all. He won't leave, right? He won't, right? I know I won't leave him. I have always been left behind. So I am certain. But Imeosi, what if he is deserving? What will I do?...
"Osogbo... Osogbo... Osogbo!!"
"Ehn.....ehn.....Yes... I am here."
My son wrapped around me. Jane holding my shoulders. Strangers consoling me.