One of the most outstanding core values of human nature, otherwise referred to as humanity, is the quality of interhuman dependency. Interhuman dependency refers to the condition in which human beings rely on one another to meet their needs, achieve goals, and survive. It emphasizes that no individual is completely self-sufficient; instead, people depend on others for social, economic, emotional, and physical support.
According to Emile (1893), human society is held together by a system of interdependence where individuals perform different roles and rely on one another for survival and stability—a concept he explained through the idea of division of labour.
At the core of humanity is the need to depend on fellow humans to survive. Regardless of gender, race, tribe, or religion, there will always be a time when you will not have the wherewithal to do life on your own; you will need to borrow resources from others.
These resources that we borrow from others may be tangible or intangible. They may come in the form of ideas, beliefs, perceptions, and concepts that alter what we originally hold to be true. They can, of course, also be money and other tangible assets. At the core of this borrowing is the testament that the world is not structured for us to conquer in isolation.
Back in the day, an average African child was inculcated with strong family values and the essence of unity, such that parents intentionally watered down the need to compete among siblings. I still remember how, on many occasions, my late father would gather my six siblings and me together to perform what I call the “broom unity concept.” He would bring a bunch of broomsticks, separate them, and give each of us one with the instruction to break it—and we did so with ease. Then he would hand us the entire bunch with the same instruction, and it suddenly became an impossible task. And there he would say, “Divided, you will be easily broken, but united, nothing can destroy you. Always look out for each other and have each other’s backs—that is how to survive in this world.”
It has been years, but this mindset instilled in us by our late parents has greatly influenced every one of us. So much so that I do not feel embarrassed to call my elder brother at any time to tell him I need money to solve one or two issues, confident that if he has it, he will give it to me—without making me feel any less. A few months ago, I collected money from my brother to fix my wife’s phone, and some weeks later, I sent money to his wife to cook for their family when his work slowed down.
I do not feel special for helping him, and he does not feel special for helping me. This is the way life is structured to function. Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege of having parents like mine, and our academic system has been structured in such a way that it makes us more competitive than cooperative.
We derive pleasure from the fall of others, and the precarious moments of others bring us unspoken satisfaction. This also makes us comfortable hiding the battles we fight in order to avoid being laughed at or mocked.
There is a psychological concept known as the Norm of Reciprocity. This concept posits that people tend to expect others to respond to them in the same way they behave toward others. Alongside it is another related concept known as Psychological Projection, which holds that people naturally assume others think, feel, or behave the same way they do.
These two concepts help explain why many people hesitate to share their problems with others in search of solutions. They may be the very ones who mock, gossip, or derive pleasure from the misfortunes of others, thereby projecting their own tendencies or expecting similar reactions in return.
This is not to undermine the fact that some people hide their struggles because they have been deeply betrayed in the past. However, in life, we must learn to seek the truth and hold on to it, regardless of the scars we may receive in the process.
I have heard stories of friends who spent time together on a Saturday, only for one of them to pass away from cancer the next morning—having never shared their condition. We have seen others battling life’s challenges, reaching the brink of giving up, yet still showing up with forced smiles and pretending that everything is fine. They maintain appearances until they become completely overwhelmed.
We must find a way to return to the days when interhuman dependency stood tall—when collective success was valued above individual wins, when cooperation outweighed competition, and when the common good was prioritized over personal ambition.
This, in many ways, sits at the root of our political challenges as a country—but that is a conversation for another day.
For now, let us stop drowning with steeze.