I have thought deep about this puzzling question. I tried to understand it, to see the logic in it. I am writing this not because I found a perfect answer, but to pen down the fragment of enlightenment I have gotten on this voyage of finding an answer.
I‘m sure you know or have heard about someone that was in a very oppressive relationship. One where they are the one being maltreated by their partner. They bear the burden; they carry the weight of commitment of sustaining the relationship. The relationship has basically become an oppressor-oppressed relationship. The foundation of the relationship is their maltreatment, their suffering, yet these people refuse to leave against all advice from friends and loved ones.
I think many people don’t know what love is supposed to look like. They grew up in an environment where they “buy” attention and affection with obedience, humility, compliance, playing small, keeping quiet, shoving it in, and taking in as many things as are thrown at them without making a whisper. This is how many experienced the good sides of their parents and adults around them. As adults, it’s no longer a survival tactic in a hostile environment but their personality and their understanding of how the world and human relationships work. They are ready prey for emotional manipulators.
Also, you will find people who just want constant emotional intensity. Peace feels like boredom to them. "Calm" means absence of life. If it’s not bubbling, it’s not living. They constantly crave the emotional and sexual tension, conflict, fierce affection and passion, excitement, fear, etc. Anything that will keep them on the edge emotionally, they jump at it. This also is a childhood trauma in response to staying in a highly troublesome environment. Parents that take out their emotions on everyone at home. Like fire, everyone will feel the heat of their presence many times daily. What makes it addictive is that it usually comes with a deeply precious show of affection. So, in one minute, you have a mum screaming with eyes bloodshot at her 8-year-old child, and in another you see the same mum buying gifts and showering affectionate words on the same kid. Certainly, this child will believe that is the reality of what love is supposed to be.
Moreover, some people try to make up for past mistakes by staying in a wrong one. Someone who once left someone they later realized to be a good person and the best love they ever experienced may want to keep fighting for love with the wrong person just to compensate for their past mistake. Something like “I left too quickly the last time, and I missed a very good person. I need to learn to endure and fight for love no matter what." This compensation might come in various ways, but the bottom line is people endure what they shouldn’t because they feel it is a correction of a previous mistake they made.
Now, you will ask, what do outsiders see that people in abusive relationships don’t see? The thing is, emotional attachment changes perception. It’s always amusing when I see people say on social media what they will and will not take from their partner. They are saying it from an objective stance without factoring in that they will be very strongly emotionally attached to that partner. When there is a strong emotional attachment, you will rationalize their mistakes; you will see hope for change even when there is no reason to have such hope. You will make excuses, focus on potential, and shapeshift emotionally to adapt to the maltreatments. Outsiders are not attached, and they can see all of this for exactly what they are.
The point of all this is that a lot of young adults today need to relearn what love is supposed to look like. And it always breaks my heart when people conflate readiness for relationship with financial capacity or age. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME! Financial capacity is just what it is; having the means to acquire material possessions and age just means you are getting closer to when you will die. The real readiness for a relationship is emotional, mental, and psychological. This would have been easier, but the media is also not helping. Everyone now has a quote and a TikTok psychologist to validate whatever emotions they’re feeling and their thoughts. Social media has enough validation for basically anything and everything. So, everyone believes everyone else needs to do better, but not them. To the few who can be honest with themselves and make the deep, emotional reconfiguration needed to recognize a good partner and experience a healthy relationship, you will thank yourself for it.